Comfort Is A Grave

We start with a real moment from my life that turns into a bigger lesson about where your energy belongs and why other people’s reactions are usually a projection. Then we break down why comfort is not peace, how adversity builds capacity, and how choosing voluntary discomfort helps you grow faster and live bigger. 
• nothing exists outside of you and the outside world mirrors your inner state 
• refusing to spend energy policing how other people live 
• comfort as the absence of challenge and peace as internal stability 
• the nervous system choosing familiar patterns even when they feel unfulfilling 
• dreams dying slowly through postponing, comfort seeking, and negotiation 
• adversity as the mechanism that builds capacity and emotional regulation 
• voluntary discomfort as a way to choose growth before life forces it 
• resilience requiring resistance and why instant gratification weakens that muscle 
• “die empty” as a standard for spending your potential instead of burying it 
• practical challenges like a 90-day fitness goal to study your growth framework 
Stop waiting for the quote unquote right time to get yourself in the DG Mindset Academy. 

If you’re ready to stop consuming information and start creating real transformation, the DG Mindset Academy is where the work happens. Learn how your mind, subconscious patterns, nervous system, and identity shape your reality so you can heal, grow, and perform at your highest level. Join a community of people committed to becoming who they were truly meant to be.

Find out more here

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

Nothing Exists Outside You

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Once you see what you actually are, that you're an infinite, limitless being, you'll see that nothing exists outside of you. I'm your host, Derek Grant, and this is the Pathway to Your Results Podcast.

SPEAKER_01 0:26

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Pathway to Results Podcast. Excuse me. See? Just to let you know that this is not edited. Okay? I'm just using it. Let's try this again. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Pathway to Results Podcast. It is your boy, Derek Grant. Here we go. We did it. We made it through. All right. For everybody here, you I don't know how long you've been listening to this podcast. I have no idea. Everybody's different. Some of you are, you know, oh, I've been listening for a couple years. Some of us, some of us from the beginning. So you've seen the evolution, you've seen the change. Uh some of us just hopped on here recently, whatever it is.

Anniversary Post And Projection

SPEAKER_01 1:05

There's a couple things I want you to know. Okay. I want you to know. Number one, uh, nothing exists outside of you. Okay. I think I say that in the in the intro. I think I say that, right? Nothing exists outside of you. I really mean that. Everything is a reflection of you. Okay. So if everything is you, my advice, I can't tell you what to do, but my advice is for you to not spend your energy on too much on things outside of you. Use the things on the outside to come back to you. So the reason why I'm saying this. So last week was me and my wife's anniversary. Okay. Uh and my page, I try to, I'm not a wizard at uh social media, but uh I just I've just realized that consistency is the key to success, right? Just keep doing the same thing till it till it doesn't work. Okay? And then don't quit. And then if you're gonna quit, quit when it does work. Change it up. So anyway, I post finally something different. I post like a like a tribute to my wife, right? It's a picture, it's pictures of me and her and just wishing her, you know, a happy anniversary. It's her 15th anniversary. And I don't look at it, to be honest with you. I mean, I got you know, you get 200 or something comments. I ain't got time to respond to all of them. I ain't got time to read all of them. I can energetically say thank you, and that's it. But we're about to go to bed. And she's like, um, yeah, do you see people, you know, comments, too. People are saying like they're unfollowing you. I'm like, unfollow- Okay, cool. Well, but why? What's the like she's like, I don't know. So I get on my phone, I go and look at it, and people are there's two two comments, two comments. People said, um uh one person said unfollow, and the other one's like, oh, I'm unfollowing him now. And it just started like a string of comments. Why? Because his wife's white, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So, you know, me. Look, I wanted to say something, not to be mean at all, because I realize that this is actually just a projection of whatever's going on inside of them. I'm not even gonna, but here's what I wanted to say, and I'm saying this now on the podcast, okay? Because I don't even know if this person listens to it. But here's what I'm saying. And this isn't just for me, this is for everybody. Don't go on somebody else's page and spend the energy on how somebody else is living their life. You take that energy, take that energy that you were about to spend on somebody else's life and their existence, and you use that on you. You use that on you in your life. I'm telling you right now, there's so much stuff going on in the world. I mean, you look at a WNBA and all this stuff and transgender and all that. It's like, y'all, if each of us would take our energy and focus on us, do you know how different this world would look? What if I was more worried about my well-being and my emotional regulation and my health? I was worried about that more than I was with who somebody laid down with. What if I was worried more about that instead of worrying about how somebody else lives their life? So I'm just saying this, this is just like a uh PSA. Y'all, before you start spending energy on somebody else's existence, take that energy and spend it on you. And I promise, if you do that, you will get a return that will be positive. You're not gonna get a positive return spending your energy on somebody else's life. I just had to go ahead and say that. That's not what this podcast is about, but I just had to address it. Now, we can get to the good stuff

Comfort Versus Peace

SPEAKER_01 4:28

now. All right, so I told you the situation I last episode, we were talking about uh uh uh uh the whole situation with Jesus and like the fracturing of this identity and this relationship. And I started to realize, and I've known this, but on a different level, right? Everything that you want in life, everything that you want to acquire is on the opposite side, sorry, it's on the other side of what you can tolerate. See, what you can tolerate is what we call being comfortable. Okay, you see, every time that you took you can tolerate something, you're comfortable. If you can't tolerate it, you're uncomfortable. Go ahead and write that down if you need to. That's all it is. So comfort really is the absence of challenge. Say that again with me. Comfort is the absence of challenge. Peace is internal stability. So, do you see why we start to think that comfort will lead us to peace? Because when there is no challenge, there is stability. But the issue is is that stability will start to create stagnation. And stagnation is not what your soul seeks, it actually seeks challenge, it seeks uncertainty, it seeks uh uh uh unfamiliarity. Why? Because it knows the only way it can grow is if it is uncomfortable. The only way it can grow is if it is in situations that it feels like it cannot tolerate. Now we've talked about this. We know that the nervous system if it has to choose, it's always going to choose what's familiar. Always. Even if unfamiliar even if familiar means it's unfulfilling. I have no disrespect. This is no disrespect to anybody. But that's why you've been working that job for 30 years and you complain about it every day. That's why. You know good and well it's not fulfilling. But it's familiar. It's safe, it's comfortable. Even though you have a seed of greatness inside of you, you have a seed of potential, that you could go start your business and get that thing off the ground and be making 10x what you were making as an employee. You have that inside of you. But in order to do that, guess what's gonna have to happen? You're gonna have to move out of your toleration zone and move into what you think you can't tolerate. I'm recording this podcast right now, but here in three weeks, I'm gonna be climbing a mountain again. Y'all remember that a couple years ago when I was climbing that mountain? Oh, this time, this one's gonna be a little different. I think I'm gonna get me some meta glasses, and I think I'm just gonna go ahead and document the whole thing, and I'm gonna let you all inside of my mind while I'm while I'm doing this. Now, it will be, I'm not gonna say boring, you're just gonna hear me talking, but I'm gonna let you see how uncomfortable I actually will get. I'm gonna let you see how I put myself purposely in situations so I can be uncomfortable. I don't say this to brag. I say this because I understand how we make growth. You have to move into zones that are uncomfortable. Now, a lot of us what ends up happening is we start having this slow death. Here's

The Slow Death Of Dreams

SPEAKER_01 8:00

what a slow death is basically it's understanding that your dreams don't die like instantly. They die slowly. Through you seeking comfort, through you seeking familiarity, through you postponing, through you saying, Oh, I'll start next month. Oh, when when things calm down, then I'll go ahead and Well when when when like things are when I'm a little bit more confident than I when I have just a little bit more money than And eventually tomorrow ends up becoming years. Hmm? How many times that happened? So the reason why I'm saying this and why it's a slow death is because comfort doesn't destroy the dream overnight. It doesn't kill the vision all in one moment. It slowly convinces you that you don't need it anymore. And now here you are, you've gone years, and you still, still haven't made that LLC that you already built out the vision, you built out the offers, you've done everything. You got the landing page, you haven't hit publish yet. What the way? What? Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02 9:15

So comfort doesn't kill you quickly. It convinces you to stop living slowly.

SPEAKER_01 9:26

Do you see how this works? So life is like, oh my goodness, we know that a human being is gonna do this. We know that this is how the ego is, so we gotta build adversity in. We gotta put adversity into the game. And see, adversity, adversity is what builds capacity. Adversity is what uh uh uh uh creates capacity. And here's what capacity is capacity is your ability to regulate at the next level. Your ability to regulate at the next level. See, the level that you're at, you may be at level three, but you gotta get at level five. You have the capacity to up uh to regulate at level three, but you have the potential to be able to uh regulate at level five. But guess what? Adversity has to come so you can go to level four. And level four is gonna feel uneasy, it's gonna feel challenging, it's gonna feel hard, it's gonna feel unfamiliar, it's gonna feel uncertain, and you're gonna start to question yourself, you're gonna start to doubt yourself. But all that's happening is life is trying to help you to develop your capacity. And here's what that looks like it's when you do something that was challenging, it was hard, you encountered something difficult, and you handled it. You made it on the other side. Yes, you have bruises on your knees, you have skinned up your elbows, but you stood back up again. People don't realize, oh, I want to be mentally tough and mentally strong. Well, don't you realize that resilience requires resistance? Do we not see that in order for me to become stronger, I actually have to endure things that are harder? I have to learn new skills, I have to put myself in situations that are uncomfortable. So, my point of this is a lot of us want around, we want to walk around and we want to have the comfortable, easy life. I'm just telling you right now, that's a trap. Stop asking for an easier life and instead start developing for greater capacity. You see what I'm saying? I don't want to hold on now. No, ushers, close the door. I don't want an easier life. I never wished for that situation with haste shoots. I never said, like, why is this happening? Instead of asking for something easier, why don't you ask for the capacity to be increased? Instead of for asking for life to take weight off the bar, why don't you ask for yourself to become stronger so we can leave that motherfucking weight on there? Matter of fact, put some more on there. Put some more weight on that bar because I'm built for it. You see what it's you see the difference. So don't take the easy way out when adversity strikes. You can't develop yourself as long as you keep running away from what's challenging. So when the challenge comes, here it is. Don't

Answer The Door When Life Knocks

SPEAKER_01 12:07

run away from it. Go answer that motherfucking door. Go answer it. Funny story, right? Where we live at, I think they're not allowed to solicit, but somebody did, right? Dude pulls up in the car, hops out, gets in the segue, boom, he's gone. I said, Oh boy, they're going around, they go knocking on doors, right? So I didn't know what he was knocking for. I have a bunch of calls and stuff I happen to be on during the day, but I can see when he pulls up to the house, he rings the doorbell. Now, Carly's home. Carly has to go. Now, Carly, Carly always always says to me, Boy, somebody's selling something to you. You can't say no. I say, Yes, I can say no, especially if I don't want it. I think you projecting onto me. I think you're the one who can't say no. So, doorbell rings. She opens the door. I don't know what he's selling, I have no idea, but I know one thing. That door is open for about 10 minutes. And like my mom used to say, we ain't gonna cool out the outside. You would close that, close that door, we ain't gonna the air conditioner running, we ain't gonna cool off outside. Close that door, or let him in or go outside, whatever you're gonna do. Anyway. So she ends up having uh this conversation. So I get done with my calls. I go, who is that? She goes, it was the guy uh uh for pest pest control. She's like, he just kept going. And I told him, no, he would figure out a way. I'm like, yeah, he's a salesman. That's what they do. They they got the script. She's like, he was like a robot. I said, he had a script. She goes, yes, it was a script. I said, of course. He knows what he's doing. He knows exactly what he's doing. So I said, well, so what did what was he selling? She's like, it was exterminating, it was pests, and all this. I said, okay. She go, I go, so what? Did you tell him no? She goes, yeah, but he wouldn't take it as an as an answer. And he's coming back later. I said, he's coming back later. What do you mean he's coming back later? She said, yeah, he's coming back later because I couldn't, I just couldn't, I couldn't say no. She's like, but I won't be here. You'll have to tell him no. I said, no, I won't.

unknown 13:53

No.

SPEAKER_01 13:53

She's like, I won't be here. I have to take Ruby to cheer. I said, I don't care. I will tell him, if he comes, I will tell him to hold on. She's gonna be home at 10 o'clock, and then she will tell you no. So anyway, it's like six o'clock, we hear the doorbell ring. We sit in the in the living room, sitting on a white couch, you know, white socks, the one you see on Instagram. Anyway, we're sitting there. And the doorbell rings, and she looks at me and she goes, He's back. He's back. I said, Okay. You know, life always comes in a circle. Life ain't gonna let you bypass this. She's like, just go out there. I said, I'm not going out there, tell him no. Because if I say no to him, he ain't never gonna want to live his job, no. He ain't wanna want to work no more. I would tell him, brother, you over here selling for somebody else. Sell for yourself. Let's think about what it is that you want to do. It's gonna turn into a coach and shit session if I go out there. So anyway, she got up and she went out there. Door wasn't open more than 10 seconds. She comes back, she's open. Yep. I told him no. I said, now look at how empowered you feel. Because you didn't run away from what was challenging. Now I just told you that long-winded story to tell you what. This isn't the way life works. Life doesn't want you to bypass the things that are difficult. It doesn't want you to bypass the things that are uncertain. It doesn't want you to avoid it and run away from it. It wants you to face it. So you can empower yourself so you can grow. So the reason why I'm saying this, life's gone, life has built adversity into the game. But

Voluntary Discomfort As A Strategy

SPEAKER_01 15:30

what happens if we voluntarily put ourselves in uncomfortable situations? Instead of you getting up to work out at eight, what if you got up at 5:30 and went and worked out? See, now you we call that VD. See, now that's voluntary discomfort. And when I put myself in discomfort voluntarily, I'm not waiting for life to force me to grow. I'm taking it by the reins and say, this is the season of growth that we're in right now. We're gonna hit these weights. We're gonna straight uh do what's difficult. So I told you I'm gonna go climb this mountain. This is why I'm doing this. This is why I'm climbing the mountain. That's why I'm gonna do this whole thing because this is a form of VD. I came here to grow just like you did. But we got to put ourselves in situations that require us to expand our level of toleration. So, what does that look like in your life? Put yourself in a room where you're not the best. Go join a team where you got to come off the bench. Go learn a new skill. Put yourself in a situation that there's a possibility someone will have to tell you no. Ask yourself, sorry, ask somebody for an opportunity. Do it before you feel like you're really ready. Teach your nervous system. Uncomfortable doesn't mean unsafe. It doesn't mean we're unsafe just because we're uncomfortable. So now here's how I look at it. If I don't choose discomfort, life's gonna choose it for me, and I don't know what life's gonna choose. I don't know what life got infinite ways it could do it. A matter of fact, I got it. I'll choose it this time. I'll pick it. Let me put myself in positions, let me put myself in situations that require me to let go of this comfortability. And how comfort shows up in life, it's relative to everybody. Everybody's situation is different. What's comfortable to me may be uncomfortable to you, and vice versa. Only you know. But here's the key, I'm just telling you. The equation with growth is really it's so simple. It's so simple. And now we talked about a couple weeks ago the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. A growth mindset knows it can develop. So now because I know I can develop, I have infinite levels. So I don't even, I'm look, matter of fact, I'm not even worried about whether or not this is gonna work. All I gotta do is get my foot in the door. If I get my foot in the door, you better believe I'm gonna get my whole body in there eventually. And you see, the reason why is because you're okay with being uncomfortable.

Die Empty And Spend Potential

SPEAKER_01 18:10

So I I have a bit of warning though, for you. Okay? You know, in order, in order to in order to gain, we're gonna have to give.

unknown 18:19

Right?

SPEAKER_01 18:20

In order to receive, you're gonna have to give something up. I'm telling you this. You're gonna have to die empty. You're gonna have to die empty. Eventually, there's gonna be a grave. Eventually, I'm talking about there's gonna be like literally, eventually, you're gonna die. Eventually, there's gonna be a literal grave, right? But the reason why I'm saying this every time that you seek comfort, you're building an emotional grave. Don't build an build an emotional one. Your potential is is is supposed to be spent. It's supposed to be expressed, it's supposed to be experienced. You have a well of the potential inside of you. Imagine this. You have all of this potential, and your job is to get rid of all of it, but you can't get rid of all of it while you're sitting here being comfortable. You have to put yourself in positions to be uncomfortable. So there's no prize for you going to the grave with all this potential inside of you. When you get to the end, you want to say, you know what? I gave everything that I have. I did it. Now I'm not talking about going out here and be reckless. I'm talking about being alive. Go live all of it. Put yourself in positions that's uncomfortable. And here's the deal comfort is expensive, it's super expensive. You know what you're paying for it with? Your potential. That's what you're paying for it with. So I have this saying that you can take it with you. A safe life is a small life. A safe life is a small life. And I don't know about you. I didn't come here to live small. I don't think you did either. We came to this vast universe as a human. As a human. Look at this, look at this. Look at this world that we're in. But you didn't come here to live small. You came here to expand and be all that you're truly capable of. So, ask yourself right now in this season that you're in. Am I comfortable? Am I putting myself in positions that I can voluntarily create discomfort? Because here's the reality of it. Your comfort zone always will have an expiration date. Always. What's comfortable now was uncomfortable yesterday at some point. If you can start consciously moving into things that are uncomfortable, you'll see your growth be so exponential. You'll be like, oh my goodness, how did this guy get so much better so quick? Yeah. He just understood. She just understood the equation. So stop waiting for permission from somebody. Stop waiting to feel like you're ready. When adversity comes, remind yourself this is introducing a new level of capacity. And if something's easy, there will be times when it is easy. There will be times when it's like, oh wow, I feel like this is. Just know that easy doesn't always mean that it's aligned. Sometimes it will, sometimes it won't. Realize that you can't build resilience without resistance. This is

Resilience Requires Resistance

SPEAKER_01 21:40

the biggest thing that worries me with sometimes with the younger generation. I don't mean it sound like the old guy. Oh, the younger generation never has to deal with anything. But the reality of it is we get things whatever we want now. If I don't have something, I don't have to wait for it. I just order it on Amazon. If I want an opportunity, well shoot, I don't have to wait eight, nine. 10 years, well, let's go ahead and do this, this, and this. In today's world, things are instant. So all instant, all getting getting things instant creates comfort, and comfort is what destroys the muscle of resilience. I see this happening. You know, I used to coach my son's team. I see all these boys. I'm like, man, where's your resilience muscle at? You lost and you crying? No, don't cry because you lost. That's not a no, no, no, no, no. We learn from losses. But if you don't have the muscle of resilience because you never really dealt with resistance, because we have parents who don't want to put them in, put the child in a position or allow them to feel a little bit of resistance. Now we're doing it a disservice. So I always tell my kids, I ain't gonna let you drown. But you're gonna have to get some water in your mouth too. You know how it is sometimes. Choke on some water when it goes down the wrong pipe. You're gonna have to you're gonna have to feel that a little bit. So now you can develop your own level of resilience. I can't let you borrow mine because mine came from years of resistance. I don't want you to bypass. See, you can skip levels and now you won't be fully developed. So my point of this is this growth will always take place where you stop negotiating with yourself.

SPEAKER_02 23:29

Stop negotiating with yourself. Stop negotiating.

SPEAKER_01 23:35

Just ask yourself Am I living a life right now that I have consciously chosen and I put myself in positions that are challenging? Just ask yourself that. And then you start to see, like, oh my goodness, I think I understand how like life works. Go go 90 days, 90 days. Go on 90 days on a fitness journey and just try and see if you can lose 10 pounds. I don't care which, just use 10 pounds. Do it for the sake of the 10 pounds, but do it so you can study how you did it. That will be the same framework that your soul uses. It will be the exact same thing. So it's really quite simple. It doesn't matter if you're an entrepreneur, it doesn't matter if you're an athlete, it doesn't matter what you are, it doesn't matter if you're a parent, your uncomfortable seasons will create the most growth in your life. And comfort will eventually start to dig a grave. And here's the reason why I'm saying this it's not bad. The grave was nothing more than the ending of that identity. And that was the ultimate trade-off. In order to get to the next level, I have to become somebody that I have never been before. And it's simple now. Do you see how this works? So don't look at adversity as a bad thing. Let that

Identity Death Before The Birth

SPEAKER_01 24:59

be a flag. Here's my chance. Oh my gosh, there's something I have to get rid of. The whole situation with Jesus. Okay, there's something I have to get rid of with. What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? As much pain I was going through on the inside, I still made sure I remembered what the whole point of this was. There's a death that's taking place. So a birth can happen. I don't know if the birth is coming here in two weeks. I don't know if the birth is happening in two years. I don't know when. That is irrelevant to me. The timing will happen when it's supposed to. But what I do know is I'm pregnant like a mother right now. The baby, the bun is in the oven. It is in there. The death took place, so the seed, the conception, could take form. How long the gestation period is, I don't know. We never know. Something tells me though, this is gonna be a big one, though. This gonna be a big one. You know that one with the when it's gonna be a big one because the labor was crazy, right? Maybe it wasn't labor, what I just said, it was the morning sickness. Dang, I was sicker than the mug with all this. Oh my goodness, I bet this is gonna be a big one. We'll see. Whatever it may be, I will welcome it with open arms. I will love it like I've loved every other identity, and I will know that at some point he too must leave. So, the whole point of this podcast was to help you to understand that comfort, comfort is really what builds our grave. And it's not that we're not supposed to be comfortable, it's not we're like, just be careful that you're seeking comfort. Do those things that are uncomfortable in your relationships as a parent, uh, in your finances, uh, professional life, physically. Do what's uncomfortable. And I promise you, you'll grow. And if you grow, your capacity will increase. And if your capacity increases, you'll step more into your potential. You step more in your potential. We can look back on your life here in two years and be like, how in the world did it get there? This is how she did it.

DG Mindset Academy Invitation

SPEAKER_01 27:04

So, as always, you know, I'm welcoming you with open arms into the DG Mindset Academy. We're gonna break down something called uh being unshakable, developing this mental resilience of how to really do this. If you're a parent, I highly advise you to get to the DG Mindset Academy because uh this is like an investment into your, into your children, right? This is like an investment of I I look at it like this: you can give your children money when you die. And we call that an inheritance, but the real inheritance is for you to teach them and give them the tools so that when you're dead and gone, you will know that they will be okay. They will be resilient, they will have uh alignment, they will know, they will know themselves, and that is more valuable than any money you could ever give them. So if you were a mother, if you were a father and you were listening to this podcast, stop waiting for the quote unquote right time to get yourself in the DG Mindset Academy. I promise you, as I've done with everything, I promise you, you will not be disappointed. You will be like, wait, what? All of this is in here? And wait, what? How? I can tell you, I can take a horse to the when you say you take take the horse to the trough, but you can't make him drink. All I can do is show you where the water is. And go ahead and get yourself uh uh uh hydrated in the DG Mindset Academy. And as always, you know I wish you nothing but the best on the pathway to your results.