You Don't Have To Be Afraid Anymore

DG shares how a final public retreat in Tulum becomes a mirror for the deeper work of releasing fear, guilt, and the need to please. The story moves from ceremony to marriage to integration, landing on a simple truth: real expansion often comes from subtraction, not more effort. 
• why stepping away from public retreats protects alignment and energy 
• how two-day ceremonies create a different level of transformation 
• the people pleasing dilemma behind skipping the last dinner 
• a first-night purge that sets up the real work 
• “blockage” and how bodywork surfaces stored nervous system memories 
• an eight-year-old fear of punishment shaping adult self-expression 
• guilt around travel and success traced back to earlier life patterns 
• relationship repair after old Florida pain resurfaces for Carly 
• holding space instead of defending, fixing, or coaching your partner 
• fear and guilt as pathways into shame and feeling not good enough 
• “addition by subtraction” as a mindset for growth and leadership 
So get yourself in the DG Mindset Academy. 

If you’re ready to stop consuming information and start creating real transformation, the DG Mindset Academy is where the work happens. Learn how your mind, subconscious patterns, nervous system, and identity shape your reality so you can heal, grow, and perform at your highest level. Join a community of people committed to becoming who they were truly meant to be.

Find out more here

Transcript

Identity And The Real You

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Once you see what you actually are, that you're an infinite, limitless being, you'll see that nothing exists outside of you. I'm your host, Derek Grant, and this is the Pathway to Your Results Podcast.

unknown 0:25

Bro.

SPEAKER_02 0:29

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Pathway to Your Results Podcast. It is your boy DG. We are here. Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Oh, this episode is uh it's it's profound, it's special.

SPEAKER_02 0:45

Um I and as always, I hope that my journey may be a reflection point and inflection point for you to look at where you are in your life, see the similarities, see the parallels, and then using this information or my experiences along this journey to help you figure out what maybe you can do. I always look at it like this if I can learn from somebody else, I may be able to shave some quote unquote time off of how much how long it takes me to learn. So uh this is why I don't mind sharing my personal experiences with you all. Um this is no different. You know, this is no different. This this episode. Well, last week, last week I went to uh Tulloon. It was my last retreat. And I say my last retreat. Right now, there's no other retreats on the books for 2026. Uh will I have more retreats? Absolutely, I will have more retreats. But now um I just want to make sure my retreats are the the the purity, the energy of them stays aligned with where I'm at right now. So um I probably won't offer any more public retreats uh in order to be a part of a retreat. You'll only know about it if it's um in the DG Mindset Academy or if you are in the embodied leadership collective, the ELC, you'll know about a retreat. But uh as far as you seeing it posted on Instagram or anything like that, uh, that won't happen anymore. And so this this retreat was special. This retreat was special because I knew this was the last one. And the reason why I'm saying this is because you know it's like it's like when you know something's over, and it's not over in a bad way, it's over because you realize that there's been an evolution in you, and you just maybe want to go a separate way, you want to go a different way, and that doesn't mean that different is bad, that doesn't mean different is wrong, different's just different. So I knew that this retreat was going to be special, and uh, you know, we had seven beautiful souls who came down there to loom. And this is the first retreat that I had that was two days of ayahuasca, two days with Jesus, two days of purging and you know, facing wounds and dealing with things. So um, that was special in and of itself. Now, me myself personally, I've done that, but I've never taken somebody on a journey or taken an individual on a journey, and they did two days. And I always tell people the difference between one day ceremony and two days is the equivalent of day and night.

Why This Was The Last Retreat

SPEAKER_02 3:10

It's the equivalent of a butterfly to a caterpillar. It's uh the equivalent from up to down. There is a huge polarization of the two because the first day usually opens you up and the second day usually wraps you tight. So uh this retreat was I didn't know what because you know, to be honest with everybody's on the at a different place, but I knew that there's gonna be huge transformation, and and and it's so funny how it works. The transformation actually took place in myself as well. But um let us let us let us go ahead and get to the good part, right? So I went down here to Tulum, and my my goal was to help the individuals, and then I was staying after for myself because I realized I had some things inside of me that I needed to let go of, some things inside of me that I needed to release. So I had planned on staying after and doing two ceremonies myself. And uh throughout this journey or throughout this week, I could feel these things coming up. So you wonder what what my intention was is to let go of everything that does that's keeping me from expanding and scaling at a uh a rapid level. You know, was take what's keeping me from getting to the next level. I want to go and let those things go. And I had an idea of some things inside of me that were coming up, but I wasn't sure if uh uh I was going to be able to get to them, but I do have a saying, Mother Aya is undefeated. You can go ahead and say it with me. And anybody who's ever had an experience with ayahuasca, you know Mother Aya is mother undefeated. And my intention was to let go of these things that no longer serve me that are keeping me from being and doing what I know I'm capable of doing. So it's so funny. When you when you are facilitating a retreat and people are drinking the medicine, for the most part, it's pretty boring. I was texting my wife, I was sitting there telling Carla, I'm like, I feel like I'm just a nursery uh daycare uh owner, and I just got there's seven individuals, seven baby adults, and they all just sleep in on their little pallets. Some of them you may hear crying. Some of them maybe have to go poop. Right? Some of them, some of them, it's just it's literally like having little toddlers. But once I got done with, or the first day when they had their ceremonies, that was on Tuesday, on Wednesday. Um, and I planned on staying. The retreat was over with on Friday. I planned on staying and having my ceremonies Friday, Saturday. Then all of a sudden, this wave came over me, and like, I want to, I well, I had to get home because I had something early on Monday morning, and I was supposed to get home late Sunday night. I'm like, I don't want to get home late Sunday night. I got to get up early morning. That's not, you know, it's not gonna set me up for integration. So what I did was I was like, you know what? I went ahead and changed my flight so I could go home a day early on Saturday, right? So that way it gives me all Sunday to recalibrate, and then Monday I can get up in the morning. Um but the retreat was over with on Friday morning. On Thursday night, we have the last dinner. The last dinner is wrapping everything up. The last dinner is saying our essentially uh we're we're celebrating this birthday, these new births of these individuals who just came and went through this journey of purging and letting go of these parts of themselves in these two-day ceremonies. So the last night, the last dinner is super special. But when I had to change my flight to Saturday, that I was supposed to have a ceremony on Saturday, and I'm realizing I'm not gonna be able to have my ceremony on Saturday. So then on Wednesday, I'm starting to feel a little frantic because something inside of me is telling me that you need to have these two ceremonies. You can do one on Friday, but you need to have two. But how are we gonna have two? If we have two, the only way to have two would be to have it on Thursday. And the only time to have it on Thursday would be not to go to the dinner. Goodness gracious, y'all go ahead and close these doors. Go and ushers, go ahead and close the doors because we're about to go ahead and get started. See, at that moment, that was the medicine working. See, I was faced with a choice. Basically, here's the choice energetically that was going on. I can do what I know I need to do that's aligned with me, and risk not pleasing people, risk having to deal with the opinions of others, risk having these negative stories told about me. But it's going to be divinely aligned with me, or I could go ahead and do what I feel like they would want me to do and be misaligned with myself. So I'm sitting here tormenting. I'm literally they're in their second day of their ceremony. It's on Wednesday, and I'm like, what do I do? I'm sitting here thinking for four or five hours, like, what do I do? Just wrapping myself tight, as my dad would say. So then I'm like, okay, I gotta have a talk with Jesus. So I walk up to Jesus, I go, Jesus, do you have time on Thursday? And he goes, Well, I have time. I have something in the morning, but I'll be done around one o'clock. And I'm thinking, okay, we got dinner. We have a session at five on Thursday, and we have dinner at seven. I'm like, okay. In my mind, I'm like, well, if you can get there by one, maybe we can do ayahuasca, and then I can get through the ceremony and I can get through it and do it. And I'm thinking, I'm like, boy, you know good and well, you ain't gonna be worth nothing when you get done. What are you talking about? You know you ain't gonna, you ain't gonna be wanting to do nothing. And I'm faced with this point, this critical point, this decision, the quantum decision. Are you gonna make the decision and do what you know your heart is calling you to do? Or are you gonna ignore it? So he says to me, I can I said, Well, what time do you think you realistically could be there? He said, around four. And I said, Oh no. That means I'm not gonna be able to go to dinner. That means I'm not gonna be able to do what I had intended to do, even though my heart's saying you have to do this ceremony. Now he told me he would text me and he would let me know. We had a session at five that I wasn't going to lead, and uh my partner, my my mentor slash friend, my sister Maria Frijau, she's like, I'll take it. She's gonna take care of it. Okay, cool. Dinner's at seven. Now, here's my next worry. I'd already committed now. I'm committed, I'm doing it. We're doing it. We we're going on Thursday. The ship is taking off. We're leaving the port on Thursday, and it's just a matter of what time. And now in my mind, I'm thinking, hopefully, Jesus will be able to show up at a time when I won't be able to be seen. I'm just keep I'm keeping it 100 with y'all. I'm keeping it real with y'all. Hopefully, they'll be at this session with Maria and they won't see me. Because I don't want to have to deal with the feeling of, well, where's Derek? Why isn't he at dinner? What's going on? So Jesus texts me at 4:30 and says, I'll be there in 30 minutes. Five o'clock rolls around, he's not here. Then he texts me and says I'll be there in an hour. And I'm like, You've been here in an hour. Then he texts me five minutes later and says I'll be here in five minutes. I'm like, what? He on ayahuasca time? Like, brother, what are you talking about right now? I don't know what you I'm like, I don't know when you're coming. So now I'm starting to panic. Because now I'm starting to deal with, uh-oh. I may have to go get him down at the lobby. At the same time, everybody's walking

Two-Day Ceremony And A Bigger Intention

SPEAKER_02 10:20

to or from dinner to a session, and they may see me. So now here's what I do. I put a sweatshirt on, I walk out, and I got my hoodie up, and I walk downstairs and I go get him. All because subconsciously I'm saying, please don't be seen. Please don't have to deal with the fear. Please don't be uh uh uh deal with the the the thought of being rejected and being seen. So anyway, I get Jesus and we go up to my room. I start telling Jesus all of this stuff. I feel guilty, I feel bad. He goes, Oh, is this why you were walking out with your hood up? Is this why you were like hiding? I said, Yes. I'm so worried about what they are gonna say. Why is Derek not at dinner? Why is it uh even though in my journey, my personal journey, this individual journey, I knew I had to tackle this stuff inside of me. So what am I saying to you? Because sometimes, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, even though it may not make sense to other people.

SPEAKER_01 11:10

But if you do what you gotta do and you do it, it's gonna help those people that it didn't make sense to.

SPEAKER_02 11:16

So now, you just sitting here talking. He said, Well, why do you feel guilty? I said, I don't know. I just feel guilty in a lot of places. I carry a lot of guilt.

SPEAKER_01 11:24

I said, When I have to travel and I have to leave home, I feel guilty. He says, Why? I said, I don't know. I feel guilty leaving my family, leaving Carly. I said, I probably remember when I was with the Globe Charles, it probably links back to that.

SPEAKER_02 11:33

I remember when I would have to leave for six, seven, eight months out of the year.

SPEAKER_01 11:37

I'd have to leave, and I got my wife at home with a newborn by herself. And here I am, I'm in Rome, I'm in Dubai, I'm in London, I'm living it up. And she's at home with a baby who won't sleep. She's calling me crying, and the baby's crying.

SPEAKER_02 11:49

I'm like, well, what do you want me to do? I don't know what you and I would feel guilty. Similar to what I would guess is like survivors, survivors remorse, where you survive, you made it, but those people that that that didn't they and you feel bad. I made it out. I don't have to deal with these things. I don't have to deal with the fact that I'm being somebody's leaving me. I have to deal with the fact that I'm leaving. And now here I am. Right now, the microcosm of me not making it to dinner, it's the same thing. And now it's bringing up all this stuff. And Jesus says, Oh, this is fantastic. Look at this. This is bringing it up in your nervous system. Let's use the medicine to get to it. So I ended up drinking the medicine. I don't know how many cups I had, maybe six. I didn't really feel anything. I'm gonna be honest with you, I didn't really feel much. Jesus left my room at 12:30. I woke, went to sleep, woke up 3:30 in the morning, nauseous. Mother Aya says, I want you to walk to the bathroom, do not open your eyes. Do not open your eyes, walk to the bathroom. So I'm like, okay. Get up, get up out of bed, walk to the bathroom, eyes closed. Soon as I step foot in the bathroom, purge. It's done, it's out. Don't still can't tell you what happened, what the point of it was, why. But I know whenever I do two days, it's because the first day doesn't make sense because there's a second day that needs to happen. So anyway, second day comes about. Go and have the second ceremony, and I'm in there. No. I don't say this to brag. I tell you this because there's a reason, right? Stay with me and I'm gonna tie it all together, right? We hadn't even really started yet. Most of the time when you drink ayahuasca, you drink the medicine, it's usually first time two cups, three cups, maybe four cups. I go into this ceremony on the second day, and Jesus gives me three off the bat. He waits about 30 minutes, gives me another three. Comes back about another hour later, gives me two. Comes up to me again another about 45 minutes later and gives me two more. And I'm thinking to myself, I got 10 cups of ayahuasca. I ain't never done no 10 cups. I ain't never had 10 cups of now. Anyone got a 10 cut anyone who's ever drank the milk? You got 10 cups of ayahuasca sitting in your stomach. Oh, you better believe you're about to get on that roller coaster. You better believe that you about to uh you about to go. How do they say you about to go to the upper room? And nothing's happening. Nothing. And I'm looking at, I'm like, it's like three, four hours into my ceremony. I've done 10 cups and nothing's happened. I'm like, what is going on? So Jesus comes over, he says, How do you feel? I'm like, Hey Seuss, ain't nothing happening, man. What's going on?

SPEAKER_03 14:27

And he said, You have a blockage.

SPEAKER_02 14:30

I said, Okay, well, what is it? And he said, Do you mind if I work on you? And I said, No, that's fine. Now, the day before, he was asking me, and I was telling him, like, I don't really express myself, or I haven't. I'm learning how to, but I don't really share things. I just learn how to basically hold it in and then deal with it myself. And as I was talking to him, he said, You didn't like go to your parents? I go, No, my dad would always tell me, you can tell me anything. But I knew I couldn't really tell him anything. And the reason why is because if I told him something, some things, even if I didn't do anything wrong, if I just told him, he would become dysregulated. He would get upset. You know anybody like that when something happened to you and you something bothers you and you tell them about what and you just telling them a story and they get more mad about the situation than you are, huh?

SPEAKER_01 15:23

You over here saying, like, yeah, and they did this, and he's like, Why didn't you say this? You should have done this. I'm like, yo, you more mad than me, and it happened to me. Chill out, brother.

SPEAKER_02 15:33

So I learned early on, I don't want to tell my parents or I don't want to tell somebody because I don't want them to be more upset than me. Because remember, my job is to please you. And if I tell you something that doesn't please you, even if I just hold it in. I won't express it. And then that manifests itself in so many different ways. Now, here it is, it's time for you in basketball. Here it is in business, it's time for you to market something, and you can't really fully express yourself because of this wound back then. So now, back to the ceremony. Hey, Sue says, Can I work on you? I'm like, Yeah. Now he's told me he used to do body work, he used to do like uh work on you know massages

Choosing Alignment Over People Pleasing

SPEAKER_02 16:10

and you know, uh help people remove blockages through physically working on your nervous system. So he starts pushing on my stomach and he's moving my stomach all around now. I got 10, I got 10 cups of ayahuasca. Bob Marley said, them belly full. I can feel it sloshing around in my stomach. And I'm just like, oh my goodness. But I'm not getting nauseous. And he's like, I'm trying to like help you to get nauseous. He's moving all around. I'm feeling it cramping in my back. I can feel, I can literally feel my stovic, stomach cavity. I can feel where the hole is for the in my stomach that leads to my intestines. And I'm like, this is wild. This is some crazy stuff. So then here's what he does. He takes his thumb and he starts pushing in my sternum. Now, I don't know about you. I've never, I've been hitting a sternum, but I've never had nobody put their thumb in my sternum. If you ain't never had nobody put your thumb in your sternum, congratulations. That sh hurts. And he just kept digging and digging. And now here I am at a point in life. Do I hold it together and just act like it doesn't hurt? Or do I say, ouch, that hurts, Jesus? Could you please stop and thank you? But I couldn't bring myself to it because that would require me to express myself. And sometimes I don't really do the best at expressing myself, especially when I'm moving in a point of pain or discomfort or vulnerability. So he says that I'm thinking, I'm planning on my, he ain't say a word. He's just sitting here ramming his thumb in my sternum. And then he takes the skin on my chest and starts lifting it up. He starts pulling the skin off my chest off my off the bone. Can you imagine? Now I'm not a I don't have really that much skin on my sternum for you to be pulling on. And you over here pulling on some skin that really ain't even there. And he's trying to, it's almost like he was trying to pull the skin off of it. Here's the here's the analogy. When I used to go to my grandma's house in South Carolina back during the summers, we would go fishing for catfish. And we would fish for catfish, and then she would take the catfish when we get home, she'd take them back to her house, and she had this little device that she would pull the skin off the catfish because catfish don't have scales. She would pull the skin off, and I could remember the like the sound that the skin was being pulled up. That's what it felt like he was doing. He was trying to skin my high. Now the reason why I'm telling you this is because now I'm starting to feel the pain. I'm really starting to feel the discomfort.

SPEAKER_03 18:39

And I started to get scared. And my psyche, my nervous system brought up when I was eight years old.

SPEAKER_02 18:53

When I was afraid. He had a leather belt and it had like these tassels on it, like it looked like old country western belt. And when he pulled that belt out, oh sh we in oh my goodness, it ain't gonna be good news. And this eight-year-old inside of my psyche, inside of my nervous system, when he was doing Jesus was doing this, I turned into the eight-year-old and just started weeping, sobbing, crying. I mean hard, hard cry, like an eight-year-old a cry who's terrified right now. And then all of a sudden the 43-year-old starts saying to this eight-year-old, You don't have to be scared anymore. You don't have to be afraid anymore. And Jesus rubs my stomach and he gets up and he walks away, and I just sit here and I'm sobbing and crying, and I'm so scared. This eight-year-old inside is so scared, and 43-year-old saying, You ain't gotta be scared anymore. I'm here. I got you. It ain't gonna happen no more, I promise you. You good. I got you. And then the eight-year-old. The eight-year-old says to the 43-year-old, You ain't gotta be afraid anymore.

SPEAKER_03 20:09

We're good.

SPEAKER_02 20:11

See remember what I told you? I just wanted to remove the things that are stopping me from growing and expanding. It was fear. It was this eight-year-old who's so afraid of expressing himself. This eight-year-old who's scared that he may not do what he was supposed to do and get the approval and validation, it may be rejected, it may get spanked, he may all of these things may happen. That, that, my friends, was what was holding me back. So now here's this eight-year-old telling the 43-year-old you ain't gotta be afraid, and the 43-year-old telling the eight-year-old you ain't gotta be afraid, and then all of a sudden my father shows up. And the 43-year-old and the eight-year-old simultaneously look at my father and say, You don't have to be afraid anymore, Dad. You don't have to be afraid. Because all his fears, all of his worries, all of his insecurities were being projected onto me at that moment. And this is what this eight-year-old was carrying, and the eight-year-old says, Dad, you don't have to be afraid. And then all of a sudden, this whoosh, this cleansing, calm energy comes over me and says, You ain't gotta be afraid no more. You good. And it showed me all the places in my life of how this fear shows up. You afraid to put yourself out there. You afraid to really say what you need to say. You really, you really afraid to be who you know you can be.

SPEAKER_01 21:41

You know you can be it. Yes, it is great that you score in 25. That's great, but you know deep down inside I can get 81.

The Purge That Hit At 3:30 AM

SPEAKER_01 21:50

I know I can get 81. I know I can do it.

SPEAKER_02 21:55

And this eight year old is saying, we ain't gotta be afraid no more now. So I'm sorry. Saying this to you because you got something inside of you that's still holding you back. Maybe you're afraid of really shining. Because back when you were a kid, somebody got jealous of you. Somebody hated on you. Somebody said, Oh, look at you. You think you're better than everybody. You were proud of yourself too. You was like, Oh, I did it. And everybody was like, look at her. She thinks she's better than everybody. Look at her. Or somebody said, Don't you get too too too, uh, don't, don't, don't, don't get a big head now. Don't believe in yourself too much. Don't be too much. And now you develop this fear that got stored in your nervous system. So after the ceremony, I said to Jesus, I said, Man, what the foo was that? What did you do? He said to me, Well, your body just stores your memories. He said, I know certain places I can push. Just start to bring up these memories. He said, I don't know what memories will come up, but you have these pressure points. This is similar to what Chinese medicine is with acupuncture. So he said, That's all I did. And what happened is it released those memories that were stored in your nervous system. I said, Boy, you did more than just release, you exercise the demons, you let them out. So that was part one. I see what it was. I got the fear, but now here's what I tell you the guilt. The guilt that I was feeling the day before, that was still there, though. So now I get back home. I get back home. Here's the thing anybody's ever done ayahuasca, when you really have money, I always tell people you better believe, you better be careful what you ask for. Because it's gonna happen. Mother Eye is undefeated. She's gonna clean it up, and you don't know how it's gonna show up. And there may be some tornadoes. There may be some, as my fifth grade teacher, Miss Hammett would say, there may be some hurricanes. See, she was from Louisiana, so she wouldn't say hurricanes. She would say hurricanes. There may be some hurricanes that's gonna upend a lot of stuff in your life, but please, please, please tell me it's gonna clean everything up that wasn't supposed to be there. So then I get back home and I'm telling Carly about my ceremony. I'm telling her, like, it was so profound, like the fears and all this. And I start telling her, I'm like, yo, sometimes I feel guilty though when I have to leave home. And she's like, why do you feel guilty? I said, because this, this, this, and this. So I'm telling her, you know, I feel guilty. You know, I remember when I was with the Globe Trivers, I'd leave home and you'd be by yourself.

SPEAKER_01 24:19

And I would feel guilty that I'm out here experiencing the world and you're stuck back home with the baby, and you over here, yes, I'm providing a living, I'm providing our lifestyle, but you at home by yourself. And I used to be like, dang, I wish she could be here. I wish my family would be here. So now that trauma still lives inside of my body.

SPEAKER_02 24:33

And now when I have to go to France, uh Italy, or I have to go to Toulume, or I have to go to do the here, I feel bad when you can't come. And she said, Well, don't feel bad. She's like, I want you to go. I want you to go do these things. I'm like, yeah, but I want to experience it with you. What good is it? What good is it if

Bodywork Unlocks An Eight-Year-Old Fear

SPEAKER_02 24:50

I can't share it with the people I love? I already been to 70 countries by myself. I want to, I want you to experience it. We have this old joke. We have this old saying. My wife's from from Indiana. We have this people from Indiana don't leave Indiana. She's from Little Old Pendleton, Indiana. I took her to Florida for a year. You see how that ended up. She really ain't going nowhere now. She ain't going nowhere. I said, I had my chance. I took her to Florida. That was a headache. It was absolutely awful. But anyway, I was just telling her all this, and now unconsciously, this is starting to bring up stuff in her. And then all of a sudden, I literally watch her. She goes back to a point in her life. She goes back to when we lived in Florida. And she just needed me to be there for her. But I was living in survival mode. I was scared. I realized that things were happening that I didn't have control over, and we were losing stuff, and this person who I was involved with wasn't who I thought. And I start panicking. And she would ask me, What's going on? And I'd be like, oh, nothing. Everything's good. Yeah, well, why come this is happening? Well, don't worry about it. And I would sit here and lie. And the reason why I would lie was because I realized the plane was crashing. But she was sitting in the back of the plane, but I just wanted her to make, hey, everything's good. We're fine. Everything's. And then the plane crashed.

SPEAKER_01 26:14

And she she's realizing, like, you told me it would be okay though. You told me everything was.

SPEAKER_02 26:20

Why didn't you just so as I'm telling her I'm feeling guilty, all of these traumas inside of her start to come up. And now she's saying, I still live with this stuff. I never talked about this with you. I'm gonna be honest with you. I resented you. I was upset with you. I was mad. You lied to me. You told me everything was gonna be okay. You told me things were fine, and you knew they weren't. She said, I still hold on to that. And I said, Oh my goodness. So now what is this? As she's saying this, what is this making me feel? Guilt. Good God Almighty, Mother Aya, she said, Oh, don't you think that just because you left Mexico, your ceremonies were over? You asked me to clean this up. Mother, I'ma clean it up. I'm gonna finish the job. And the job didn't just have to be where you was at. I could do it any place that I needed to. So now here we are, me and Carly having these conversations. You ever, you ever, you ever gone through something with your spouse or your partner, and you go through it and you ask yourself, how in the world are we gonna get through this? Because the pain is so real. Let me let me let me tell you something. Maybe it was like this. You ever play a sport? We play basketball, you sprained your ankle, and you were out for like three, four weeks, you rolled that ankle, and then when you came back, the ankle wasn't 100%, it was probably about 80, 80, 85%, and then you roll that same ankle again? You ever dealt with some trauma and you think you got through it, and then something happens to reopen that same wound, the scar tissue, it's one thing when it was the fresh flesh, but then to open up the same scar tissue, the wound, good God almighty. Now here we are having this conversation, it lasts for two days, two days, two days. And I'm like, what in the world? But here's the deal. Here's the here's the beauty of it. The purge that was taking place was so real. The purge that was taking place in my wife. And then I realized, good God Almighty, you stay with me. I realized how much of my wife, my partner, my soulmate, her life is intertwined with me energetically. So here I am. Yes, I'm working through my stuff, but if she don't work through her stuff, how in the world can we move together collectively as a unit, as a force? Do you hear what I'm saying? So it's not just your life because this is a universe, everything is connected. So the people who are around you, you are the sum total of their energy as well. If they don't do the work on themselves, then you ain't gonna be able to grow at the level that you need to grow at. So Mother I said, you wanted me to clean up everything. We dealt with fear when you were in Tulum. Now we're gonna deal with guilt because fear and guilt are the things that lead to shame. You hear what I'm saying? Fear and guilt are the brothers and sisters that lead to this thing that we call shame. And shame is the energy that I'm not good enough. So now Carly and I are sitting here working through our stuff, we're going through, and she's saying this. And here's the deal: sometimes, sometimes, y'all, sometimes when you're dealing with things, when you're dealing with your partner, you're dealing with something coming up inside of your relationship, sometimes you need to just sit there and take it. Sometimes you need to just sit there and hold space. I realize in that moment, as much as it hurt me to feel guilty to hear that she was still holding on to these things, it wasn't about me in that moment. I needed to be able to hold space. See, this is why we do the work on ourselves. You don't do the work on yourself. So when your partner comes to you and says that this, I feel like this, this, and this, you don't then flash through the ego and start projecting back onto them. It's so you can be able to absorb it, diffuse it, alchemize it, use it, and then you can grow from it. So as she's sitting here telling me, I said, Yeah, I feel and I validated everything she was saying. I hear you, yes, yes, I hear you. Oh, there's nothing I can say. But I told her, you're just reliving these things inside of you that happen down there. And the only way to move through it is to move through it. And you've been suppressing and suppressing and suppressing and suppressing it, and now you're projecting onto me unconsciously these things, and now I'm picking up on these intuitively, and this is why I'm feeling the guilt.

SPEAKER_03 30:28

And then that night I went to bed and it hit me like a ton of bricks. This is what's been holding you back. This is what's holding you back.

SPEAKER_02 30:42

And you didn't even realize it. Your past. This past situation from Florida. You thought you healed it, but it ain't really fully healed. It wasn't healed until it was feeled. Yeah, I know I made up a word. You know I'm gonna do that at least once every two, three, four, five podcasts. But you had to feel it. And now I feel it. She feeled it. We felt it together. We brought awareness to it. We shine light on the darkness, so now I can't live anymore. And she says to me, and I take for granted, you know, I do this for a living,

Bringing The Work Home With Carly

SPEAKER_02 31:15

and I try not to be anybody who's a coach, anybody who's a mentor, piece of advice: don't coach your spouse. Don't coach your partner, don't do it, especially if they are Scorpio. I found out the hard way. I'm just trying to help you so you don't make the same mistake. I told her, and I sh, you know, I just kind of let her, you know, she does things at her own pace, her own way, her own modalities. And I let her, I let her do it. But I took for granted, I assumed that she knew this healing journey. She knew exactly how to deal with it. You gotta deal with it, you gotta touch. She said to me, she's like, This is the first time I've ever expressed this. But I've been holding on to this and I never talked about this. I've never talked about this. I just kept pushing it down and pushing it down and acting like everything was okay, but everything wasn't okay. And I'm telling her, I'm like, yeah, but you gotta feel it to heal it, blah, blah, blah. And then we started talking about all the things from her childhood. And I kept telling her, I'm like, look, I ain't trying to like manipulate you or nothing. I'm not trying to like, but the reality of it is this situation with me and you is just the effect of things that happened to you and your childhood. And then she started to see these light bulbs go off.

SPEAKER_01 32:14

And I'm like, Dang, you didn't know this. You live with me. You live with the goat, you live with DG mindset. You don't know that. How come you don't know that?

SPEAKER_02 32:20

But she has her own journey. And I told her, I said, Look, I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but I will tell you this.

SPEAKER_03 32:30

There's something that will clean this up inside of you. She says, I think I'm ready.

SPEAKER_02 32:38

I think I need to go see Jesus. I looked at her, then her eyes, I said, Girl, you know I love you. I love you. You remember Martin used to say, remember show Martin? You should look at Gina. Gina, I love you, girl. I love you. I said, I love you. I said, You need to go. You need to go. So the next day, I'm texting Jesus. I'm like, are we ready to roll? Carly's coming down. She's going down her by herself. This is her own journey. She. And then now this wave of doing this by herself came. And Carly's like, I don't want to go by myself. I said, okay. Don't feel like you have to. We slow roll this thing. We ain't in a hurry. I know you're not like me. Me, we're jumping straight in. I'm jumping straight. We just, I don't even need to. It's water cold. I don't care what we're jumping in. And I realized that she's not like that. So she got to do it her way. So now, anyway, I'm gonna show you how the universe works, okay? Once the intention is made. Once the intention is made, once you call, once you set the intention that I'm gonna do this, oh, universe will conspire to see that happen. So we said, all right, we won't go. Maybe you'll go at the end of the summer when things line up. But then all of a sudden, I gotta go back down here in a couple weeks for the client. And she says to me, Well, why don't I go down there the day before you and do my ceremony while you're flying down? And then when you get down there, you'll be. I said, Well, let's do it.

SPEAKER_03 34:00

So here's my point of the whole thing.

SPEAKER_02 34:07

It's really about you getting to the root of everything. And sometimes getting to the root may upend a lot of things. But hear me when I say this. The waves are gonna come and the boat's gonna feel rocky. But eventually, eventually, the seas, the storm will settle. It will subside, and the boat will be back to equilibrium. But what ends up happening is when the storm is upending everything, a lot of people jump off the ship. A lot of people stop, they give up. And I'm telling you, this was a storm, this is the biggest storm that I've gone through. But I also know the bigger the storm, the bigger the cleanup. The more change, the more evolutions that's gonna take place. So I just wanted to come on here and express to you all the journey, the journey of letting go and reminding yourself that you don't have to be afraid anymore.

SPEAKER_03 35:00

You don't.

SPEAKER_02 35:01

You ain't gonna be afraid to put yourself out there. Because I'm I'll keep it real with you. You were so worried about what people think about you, but guess what? They too worried about what you think about them. How do you do clock it like that? I'm over here worried about what she thinks, but she's worried about what I think. And neither of us worried about what we think about ourselves. So we might as well just go ahead and stop worrying about what people think. Don't get me wrong, you're gonna be afraid, but that's just the old you. Affirm to yourself. And I affirm myself now. I tell myself, it's okay, it's okay. We don't have to be afraid anymore. You don't have to. And notice how I said you don't have to. It's a choice. It's a choice that you make. You ain't gotta be

Fear Guilt Shame And Letting Go

SPEAKER_02 35:45

afraid. You don't have to live with you don't have to if you don't want to. Now, don't get me wrong, there's some work that you have to do to get out of your nervous system, but you don't have to. This is an unconscious choice that we're making, so I'm just trying to give you your power back.

SPEAKER_03 35:59

No. Go. Go, go now.

SPEAKER_02 36:06

Go, go. Go and do it. Go and do it. I know you're afraid. I know you're afraid. I know you are. It's a human, it's natural. But what I'm telling you is you don't have to. You don't have to if you don't want to. So now ask yourself, why am I doing this if I don't really want to? And this will get you to the goal. This will get you to the root. And start tracing it to the past. And when you trace it to the past, you'll start to see, dang, I've created this. I did this. I'm holding on to this. And there's something that's frustrating about that, but yet empowering. Because now you realize if I've created it, I have the power to destroy it. This next episode, though, I want to talk about how we actually do this. I'm not going to do it this episode. You're going to have to wait till next week. We got a new course coming up here soon in the uh DG Mindset Academy. You might want to get yourself joined in it. You might want to get in it. ELC has started, but uh DG Mindset Academy, we got a new eight-week course coming up calling Letting Go, Letting Go, Letting Go. Letting Go of what, DG? Oh, letting go of everything that doesn't serve you. You got a lot of religious programs, we're going to let them go. You got a lot of uh cultural programs, we're going to let them go. We got a lot of societal programs, we're going to let them go. You got a lot of personal things that you've been holding on to, we're going to let them go. And see, when you realize that your life is more about letting go than it is acquiring, you'll see that you were already divinely set up. I had a client the other day ask me, Well, I'm about to go into this ceremony. What should I ask for? What should I ask for? Like I want to gain. I said, What do you mean? Gain what? Ain't nothing for you to gain. It's going to be addition by subtraction. You hear what I'm saying? It's going to be addition through subtraction. You're going to add more to your life by letting go of the bullshit that don't serve you no more. You hear what I'm saying? So here's my point for you, and I'm going to let you go with this. This is how you know you were already set up to win. If I'm about, if I got if I let go of things, and that's what moves me closer to alignment, that means I was already created to be aligned. I'm the one who picked up all this emotional baggage. We're going to learn how to let it go. So get yourself in the DG Mindset Academy. It's a movement, y'all. It's a movement. We're going to the next level with it. And it's only found in the DG Mindset Academy. But as always, as always, you know this. I wish you nothing but the best on the pathway to your presumps.