The Pathway To Your Results
Hosted by Derick “DG” Grant, this weekly show guides you through the powerful intersection of mindset, spirituality, and performance. DG unpacks how to break free from limiting beliefs, heal your inner child, and align energetically with your greatest vision. Through personal stories, practical exercises, and metaphysical insights, each episode offers you a clear path to unlocking your potential and living a life of true freedom, joy, and abundance.
The Pathway To Your Results
Why You Are A People Pleaser
People-pleasing is the number one obstacle preventing us from reaching our full potential and living authentically. This deeply ingrained pattern keeps us trapped in cycles of external validation and disconnected from our true desires.
• People-pleasing is an energetic exchange where we depend on others' validation to feel enough
• This pattern begins in childhood and often gets passed down generationally
• We make decisions based on what others will think rather than what we truly want
• Social media amplifies people-pleasing tendencies through likes, follows, and external validation metrics
• People-pleasers attract narcissists because both operate at the same frequency, creating toxic relationships
• Asking "what does [your name] want to do?" helps break the people-pleasing pattern
• The energy behind your actions matters more than the actions themselves
• Courage to put yourself first is more important than confidence
• When you stop people-pleasing, relationships may change as you no longer feed others' need for validation
• True freedom comes from validating yourself rather than seeking approval from others
Join the "Unlimited" 8-week coaching program starting July 1 to learn how to break free from people-pleasing patterns and step into your true unlimited nature. Visit our website for more details and to reserve your spot.
Once you see what you actually are, that you're an infinite, limitless being, you'll see that nothing exists outside of you. I'm your host, derek Grant, and this is the Pathway to your Results Podcast. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Pathway to Results podcast. It is your boy, dg. Welcome. If it's your first time joining, I just want to tell you thank you. I know you could be anywhere. I know you could be doing anything. You may be cutting your grass, you may be on the stepper at the gym. I don't know what you're doing, but I know you could be anywhere. I know you could be doing anything. You may be cutting your grass, you may be on the stepper at the gym. I don't know what you're doing, but I know you could be doing anything. The fact that you're listening to this, I appreciate you. I'm going to tell you this. Okay, this episode will probably be one of the most life-changing episodes that you ever listened to. I'm going to go ahead and tell you that, if you can understand what I'm dropping off, if you can pick up what I'm putting down, this will drastically change the trajectory of your life when you start to realize that this is the thing that stops 99.9% of human beings from being all that they truly are. This is the thing that stops us from stepping into what we truly are capable of. And hear me when I'm saying this Everything that I thing that stops us from stepping into what we truly are capable of. And hear me when I'm saying this Everything that I'm saying is coming from a universal perspective, meaning, I don't care what your religion is, I don't care what your belief system is, I don't care how much money you have. It does not matter what your race is, it doesn't matter what part of the world you're in. It does not matter. This is the one thing that stops you from being all that you're truly capable of being. Are you ready? Can we get a drum roll? No, drum roll. Okay, we won't do the drum roll.
Speaker 1:People pleasing. I know I probably built you up. I made you think it was going to be something profound. Right, it's people pleasing. It's pleasing others. Yeah, pleasing others. Hold on, hold on. I know what you're probably saying. Yeah, but we're supposed to help each other. I didn't say that. That is not what I said. I didn't say nothing about helping, pleasing others, pleasing others.
Speaker 1:Now let me finish the sentence Pleasing others, so that you will be validated, you will be accepted, you will be seen. So we don't realize that we please others as an energetic exchange. So that way we will have a way of being enough. And here's what ends up happening. This is learned when we're young I know we've done an episode on this, but this is learned when we're young. And actually, if we go even deeper, this was passed down. This was passed down from your parents, because your mom probably learned how to people please and your dad learned how to people please and your dad learned how to people please, and their dad and their so forth and so on. And we do this so unconsciously. I'm going to get to the metaphysics. I'm going to get to the spiritual side of it. I'm going to get to the literal, biological side of it to get you to understand how you have been playing small and why you've been playing small.
Speaker 1:You don't even make decisions for yourself anymore. You make decisions based off of what somebody else is going to think about you. I'm going to go ahead and get off now. Probably. I probably should go ahead and get off because we're not ready. I don't think you're really ready.
Speaker 1:Most of the stuff that you do, you do for other people, you don't do it for yourself. How many times somebody asks you hey, what do you want to eat? Oh, I don't care. Whatever you guys want, motherfucker, I ain't ask you that. I ask you what you want to eat, but we can't even make a decision because we're too worried about what somebody else thinks. And then here's what we will do. We will justify. We will justify our people pleasing no, I don't care. I mean whatever you want. You mean to tell place that you want to go to eat, but you won't say it. You won't say it why? Because in fear that it may not be what somebody else wants to hear.
Speaker 1:I had a client the other day tell me this True story. I had a client the other day tell me this. And here's the deal. It shows up in different ways. I see this happen in professional sports. I see this happen with youth sports.
Speaker 1:My son was playing in a game the other day and he looked like he was tight. I'm like yo, what's going on with you? I'm like yo, what are you doing? I'm in the middle of the game, I'm coaching. I'm like yo, what are you doing right now? He's like nothing.
Speaker 1:I said you playing scared. You look like you playing scared. What's going on? Go ahead, get him Now. He knows we're going to have a little therapy session, we're going to have a coaching session, right here on the sideline. People think I'm getting on, I'm not getting on. We're literally having a coaching session to bring awareness to what is going on.
Speaker 1:I said what's going on with you right now? What is it? You look tight. You look like you're scared to make a mistake. You look like you're scared to really put yourself out there. What is it? He goes, I don't know. I just I said I think I know what it is.
Speaker 1:He goes. What I said is it because your middle school coach came to watch your game? And he said yeah? I said what is it? He said I don't want to mess up, I want to play good, I want to impress them. I looked at him. I said hey, you're people pleasing, impressed them. I looked at him. I said hey, you're people pleasing. And he realized in that moment I said now, in this moment, what do we need to know? And he knows, because I'm a dad and I tell stuff all the time. He says that I don't need to please anybody but myself. I said very good, very good. I said you don't need to please. Her name was Mrs Turner. You don't need to please Mrs Turner. You don't need to please Mrs Turner right now. Stop trying to please Mrs Turner, because now you're being outside of yourself. He went back in. He looked like a straight dog, but why? Because we brought awareness to what he was unaware of. We were able to regulate and breathe into his nervous system, like we talked about last podcast, and he was able to catch himself pleasing.
Speaker 1:Now I say this on a youth level. This happens on a professional level as well. I see this happen all the time. Professional athletes be scared to take chances. They're scared to do stuff. They're scared why? Because they're worried about the next contract. They're worried about what's the GM going to say? What if the coach doesn't trust me? What if my teammates don't like me? What if they stop believing him? That is people pleasing.
Speaker 1:Here's what the root of people pleasing is. The root of people pleasing is I don't think that I'm enough just as I am. I do not think that I am good enough just as I am. I do not accept myself just as I am. So I needed your energy to add to it. I needed your energy to validate me. I needed your energy to add to acceptance, because I didn't learn how to manufacture self-acceptance, self-validation. You hear what I'm saying? So we take the energy and we put it outside of ourselves and we're not manufacturing enough energy within to create self-acceptance, so we depend on other people's validation of us.
Speaker 1:And then here's the deal Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready right now? Tell me that you're ready. If you're ready, go ahead and say yes.
Speaker 1:Do we not see that? This is how the matrix was built? Look at social media. Social media is built off of the foundation of people pleasing Likes, shares, followers, views. All of this bullshit is outside of you. So now you are being hardwired to seek acceptance through likes, through hearts, through follows, through shares, through views, through follows, through shares, through views, through all of these things. Do we see and here's the scary part, here's the scary part, here's the scary part there's a generation of babies, there's a generation of children that are coming up that do not know life without social media. They do not know life without seeking acceptance on the outside. They do not know life without seeking acceptance on the outside. They do not know life without seeking approval.
Speaker 1:I got kids I see them all the time that are doing wild stuff. Wild stuff Y'all hear what I'm saying. I'm not even going to say what it is. Wild stuff, just so they can get streams, just so they can get views, just so they can go viral. Mother, you want to go viral? You want to go viral. See yourself, see yourself. I see myself all goddamn day, all day, I see myself. So I'm going viral all the time. Isn't that what it means? Isn't that what it means to go viral? When you get a bunch of views, start seeing yourself a little bit more. You see yourself instead of waiting for others to see you. You'll go viral in your own mind. And here's the funny part when you go viral in your own life, the life on the outside will go viral as well. Everybody's gonna start seeing you. Everybody's gonna start seeing you when you see yourself.
Speaker 1:But we got a generation coming up that's learning how to people-please. That's literally being ingrained with it. Look, I don't want to turn and say things are good or bad and live from this dualistic perspective, but the reality of it is, if we're not careful, we won't even know anything different and the people-pleasing epidemic is going to go crazy here in the next 10, 15 years when these kids become adults. So I'm going to show you what people pleasing looks like, right? So I'm on my ceremony, I'm with my shaman and I'm not going to go into the details of it, but I had to be somewhere. I had to be somewhere and I wasn't going to be there. When I had to be there, okay, because I was about to ingest the medicine.
Speaker 1:And the shaman goes are you ready for the ceremony? And I'm like, yeah, but if I ingest this medicine, I know I'm going to be out of capacity for like the next five, six hours. He goes and I'm like I have to be somewhere in two and a half hours Because we had been sitting in the jungle just talking and and integrating and I had not ingested the medicine. So he says, okay, he goes. He asked again so what do you want to do? Do you want to drink the medicine? He's like if I drink, and I'm like, if I drink the medicine, I'm not going to be where. I told somebody I would be at the time, I would be there. And you know what he says to me. He looked at me. He goes yes, but what does Derek want to do. Yes, but what does Derek want to do? I'm going to go ahead and stop you right there and ask yourself, yeah, but what do I want to do? What do I want to do?
Speaker 1:See, so often we always do things for other people and then we justify it and then we say, oh, I'm just sacrificing. Yeah, you know what, you know what you are, what you know what you are sacrificing. You're sacrificing yourself and you never take yourself into account. And now, here it is, when you really need to believe in yourself. You really need to have confidence. You don't have confidence because for so long, you don't always put yourself second. So I said, here's what I really want to do. I want to ingest the medicine and finish healing these wounds. And, good God, almighty, did I heal them.
Speaker 1:I ingest this medicine and about three, four hours later, all of a sudden now I'm starting to see these wounds and where they came from. And it took me all the way back to slavery. It showed me my ancestors and how my ancestors were learning how to people please. And they were learning how to people please as a means of survival, meaning I had to do what the master told, even though this wasn't really what I wanted to do. I had to do what the slave driver was telling me so they wouldn't hang me or castrate me or do all these things.
Speaker 1:I'm literally feeling and seeing all of this and I started to get nauseous and I'm like I want to throw up, I want to purge. And I tell mother A, you're not going to throw this up, you're not going to purge right now. She says to me in this clear voice. She goes how do I know you won't still do this when you get home, meaning how do I know you won't still? People, please, when you get home, you have resources and things that are going to help humanity, but you play small because you're so worried about whether or not people are going to accept you. You won't actually post or do these things or say these things that will help somebody, but you won't do it because you're too worried about whether people are going to accept it on a mass level. She says when are you going to stop playing small with yourself and stop seeking to please others and start doing what you feel as though is best for you in this life? So she says, no, you're going to sit with this nausea. You're going to sit with this right now. You will never forget how this feels for you to people, please. So as I'm sitting here, I'm starting to realize it I will people please. I will say when I don't, people please like.
Speaker 1:Here's an example Somebody asked you to do something and you say no. And then, the moment that you say no, you start to give a reason to justify your no by making a promise. Hey, do you want to come over tomorrow? Nah, I can't, but maybe I'll come over next week. How many times we do this? Y'all ain't trying to hear nothing. I'm saying right now, you will. When you finally do, put yourself forward first, you then make an excuse. You then justify a way to create more people pleasing. So now we give them a promise. We give them a promise. We do this as parents. I see this all the time.
Speaker 1:I was telling Carl the other day Ruby, ruby, come home, ruby, she's standing on 10 toes. Ruby, my daughter, she's standing on 10 toes. She going to put that pressure on you. She is going to apply that pressure and ask you straight up when I come home, is there going to be a snack waiting for me? Is there going to be cookies waiting for me and she came home and Carly had told her I'm going to make you a snack when you get home. Well, carly got busy and she didn't have the cookies waiting and Ruby came home. She says you said you were going to make cookies. She said I'll make them for you tomorrow. I looked at her and said don't you do that. You overhear people pleasing your child. Right now, you people, you tell the truth. I didn't get around to it. I didn't get around to making them Doesn't mean I'll never make them, but right now I didn't get a chance.
Speaker 1:But here's my point for all the mothers out there, for all the parents out there we start to people please because we put our validation of self and our ability to parent our children. Y'all ain't trying to hear nothing. I'm saying and I know this is going to be really hard for some of us, it's going to be hard for us, some of us, to hear we will people please our children, meaning we will do whatever it takes to keep our children happy instead of allowing our children to feel things that are difficult. Why? Because we have processed that when our children struggle, it must have something to do with us as a parent, and we have put all of our self-worth, all of our self-acceptance, all of our self-validation in parenthood. So when our daughter or our son is crying and they're upset with us, we will then make promises to not disappoint them. So that way we don't have to feel the stink and all it is is our central nervous system saying oh no, we're not enough, we're not enough. If we're not enough, that means we're not safe. We're not safe, then we'll do anything to appease it, to stop this feeling that we are feeling in our physical body right now. So I'm just showing you just the myriad of ways that people pleasing shows up.
Speaker 1:And what we don't realize is we've been programmed. We've literally been programmed from the start. It is literally built into. You are more hardwire. Your default program is to please others. Your default program is to put others before yourself.
Speaker 1:Now I know what you're going to say. You're going to say, off the societal conditioning, that we got programmed. You got programmed that if you please yourself, if you put yourself first, you're being selfish. You're being selfish. Y'all ain't trying to hear nothing I'm saying. I'm saying some stuff right now that nobody wants to talk about. We got programmed to put somebody else first, because if we put ourselves first. That's being selfish. I want to go to gym, I want to go work out, yeah, but my kids are saying please don't leave.
Speaker 1:So now here's what ends up happening. You can't even think for yourself now, and all you're going to do is teach your children how to do the same thing. You're going to teach your children to do the same thing. So now, here you are, depending on their approval and their validation. It didn't have to be your children, it could be a spouse, it could be a boss, it didn't matter who it is. You are depending on them for your source of acceptance and approval. And now, guess what? They are depending on you to please them as their source of validation and acceptance and approval. And now here, what we are is caught up in a toxic relationship. That mother is so toxic. If you say no to them, they're going to flip out. If they flip out on you, you're going to feel unworthy. And because you feel unworthy, you'll go right back to people pleasing. And then they go right back to getting your validation. And now neither of us have healed.
Speaker 1:Y'all ain't trying to hear nothing. I'm saying right now I know you're not, I know you're not. I know you probably turned the volume down or you turned it off, say, oh, let me go to the next one. I'll go to the next podcast. He'll be a fence and stuff. Right now I don't want to hear. I'm sorry, but here's what happens.
Speaker 1:Because you never ask yourself what do I want, what do I want to do? And it happens on such a subtle level every single day. Now you don't even know what you really want. And now, because you don't know what you want, you don't have clarity. Now, because you don't have clarity, you ain't got no power. Now, because you ain't got no power, you got to start using force. Now you have to use force. You don't have enough energy to create anything that you want to anyway. Do you see how this works? So I'm trying to help you. I'm trying to show you that this is the real reason why you've been playing small in life. This is the real reason because you're people pleasing.
Speaker 1:Now. This is part one. Part two because you don't really put yourself first in any part of life. Really, you never ask yourself what do I want to do. Everybody's telling you do this, do this. You're like okay, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, and it's little stuff. Somebody asks you for a piece of gum, or they ask you, hey, do you want some gum? And you say no, but you really wanted a piece of gum. But you say no because you don't want to burden them, even though they ask you and you say no.
Speaker 1:This is a mild form of people pleasing. You go over to somebody's house and they ask you if you want something to, but you'll say no, I'm good, I'm fine. That's people pleasing. And then here's what ends up happening. This becomes your default program. And because this is your default program, now what ends up happening is you, my friend, will start to attract people who's at this same frequency.
Speaker 1:And this, my friend, is what we call narcissists. This is what we call energetic parasites, energetic vampires. Oh, what the fuck? I ain't going to say it because I know you kids are listening right now. So now you wonder why do you keep becoming like flies on? Why in the world do I keep having all these narcissists, all these energetic vampires latching on to me? Because you're such a people pleaser and your people pleasing is what validates people. Your people pleasing is what gets people to accept themselves, because they're depending on you to accept them.
Speaker 1:Do you see what ends up happening. Now. You don't realize that you are operating from the same frequency as the narcissist that you're in a relationship with. You're operating from the same vibration as, the same vibration as your boss, who's a narcissist. You don't even realize that your client, who's a narcissist. You're actually vibrating at the same frequency as them, because the only reason why they are operating and vibrating at that frequency is because they don't validate themselves, they don't accept themselves. So now, because they don't accept themselves, they need somebody to accept them. That is their source of validation. And guess what, what better way to validate themselves than to have somebody who all they do is people please, because that is their source of validation. And now you start to see how this actually works. So, before we start pointing fingers at the narcissist, the one who stole this, the one who did that, do you not realize that this is nothing more than a reflection of what you actually are?
Speaker 1:But we cannot change the narcissist, because the narcissist, or the energetic vampire, is feeding off of your validation, it is feeding off of your lack of self-acceptance, it is going through your people-pleasing to feed itself. But the only way to get it to go away, the only way to get rid of this parasite is to do what To cut off its food supply. But in order to cut off the food supply, what would we have to do? What To cut off its food supply? But in order to cut off the food supply, what would we have to do? We would have to stop people pleasing. But the only way to people please, to stop people pleasing is to start person pleasing. And the only way to start person pleasing is to start putting yourself first. But the only way you can put yourself first is to stop self-neglecting. Stop neglecting yourself.
Speaker 1:When you want to do something, then do it. Yeah. But so what am I just going to do? I want to go and cheat on my spouse? No, you ask yourself what is the energy behind me doing this? If I'm doing this from fear, that won't work. If I'm doing this because I just want to, I don't know. There's no reason. Okay. Now, this is your divine self. So here's what I started to realize as an entrepreneur, as an athlete, I got programmed grind, grind, grind, grind, grind. You got to work hard. You got to do this, yeah, but there's some days when I don't want to. I'm going to be honest with you. There's some days when I don't want to. So I'm going to give you an example of what this looks like.
Speaker 1:I had stuff I had to do. I came back from Tulum. I had stuff I had to do. I had to get done. I had to this client. I had to do this. I had to do this. I had to run to the grocery store. So I'm like I got to run to Trader Joe's real quick and I'm on a time crunch. I'm on a time crunch. I pull out of the driveway, I pull out of the garage at 10 and I got to meet with a client. I got to do all this stuff. I put that garage door back up. I pulled back in that garage. Carly looked at me. She said what are you doing? I said I'm going to honor myself. I'm sleepy, I'm tired. My nervous system is overloaded from these two ceremonies I just did a couple of days ago. I'm going to go upstairs and I'm going to take a nap. Ceremonies I just did a couple of days ago. I'm going to go upstairs and I'm going to take a nap. I'm going to take a nap. I'm going to give myself what I need in that moment Now my central nervous system the athlete, the go-getter, the grinder is like, oh no, if we do this, yeah, but what are we doing?
Speaker 1:People are going to think we're lazy. What are we going to do? Okay, I had to ask myself what is the energy behind this? What is the energy behind this? Am I going to take a nap out of fear? Or would me be going to the grocery store? Actually, be me going out of fear? And I started to realize you going to the grocery store at that moment, was you doing? It was going out of fear. The fear of what if I don't get this done and I have the energy behind it is what matters. It doesn't matter what you do. It doesn't matter.
Speaker 1:Both of you could give. You can be a good Samaritan. We have person A and we have person B. Both of them give to their church and they give willingly, but the energy behind it is what's mattering. One of us may be doing it transactionally I'm doing this so God blesses me, okay. So really, you're doing this not through giving. You're doing this with the hopes of receiving, whereas the other one just gives because I know that it's going to be supply and I don't really need anything. So maybe somebody needs it more here. Take it. Do you see? The energy behind One is coming from a place of transaction, which will always be from a place of fear, of lack, the fear of not having the other one's coming from a place of faith, which is the place of abundance.
Speaker 1:So the reason why I'm saying this so you don't go from one extreme to another is to ask yourself what is the energy behind me? People-pleasing right now, because I know what a lot of people are going to say. So what am I not supposed to please my family? I'm not supposed to please my loved one? I'm not supposed to? No, it's not that. There's nothing wrong with people pleasing, as long as you know the reason behind it. If you start to see the reason behind it, it'd be so much easier for you to say no. See, the only reason why we people please is because we're unconscious. The only reason why we say yes even though we want to say no is because we're unconscious. The only reason why you're laughing to make somebody feel good is because you're actually doing it from a place of seeking their validation. It's transactional. Do we see how this works? So if you're hearing this right now, I want you to know something. Okay, and this is divinely orchestrated how this happened.
Speaker 1:I fly into Tulum, right. This is before my retreat. This is before my ceremonies. I fly in, I'm in a Spanish-speaking country, right, and there's graffiti all over the wall as I'm driving in and I see up on the wall it says a bunch of stuff in Spanish. I can't read it, but then somebody decided to spray paint in English in a Spanish-speaking country. Confidence, sorry, courage is greater than confidence. Courage is greater than confidence, and I'm like who in the world did this? Who in the world spray painted English in a Spanish speaking country? But I was like that was something that meant something. Stay with me here.
Speaker 1:In order for you to stop people pleasing, you're going to need courage. Confidence will become obsolete. It won't be needed. You won't need confidence, because confidence only comes from experience and experience produces knowing, and that's where we get confidence. But you can't have knowing, you can't have experience if you don't take that first step. The only way to take that first step is to use the energy of courage Meaning.
Speaker 1:I'm going to say this right now I'm going to say no to somebody who keeps asking me over and over and over and I keep saying no. And I'm going to say no to somebody who keeps asking me over and over and over, and I keep saying no. And I'm going to say no right now. And here's why I'm going to say no, because this is what I want. For once in my life, I'm not going to do this from the place of pleasing you anymore.
Speaker 1:And here I'm ushering a warning right now, you're going to tell some people no, who have depended on your yeses, their whole, entire existence, because your yeses has validated their existence. And the moment that you pull away that yes and you replace it with a no, it's going to trigger them, it's going to make them feel less than, but this is an opportunity for them to do their work on themselves. So you'll start to see that my no's are actually sacred. It's going to help me to step into the energy of courage and it's going to help whoever it is on the other side who is depending on my validation of them through my people-pleasing and my yeses, to touch a place that they had not been aware of within themselves. Maybe it was the fear of rejection, it was the fear of abandonment, because here's the reality of it Narcissists, they all just got a fear of abandonment.
Speaker 1:They got a fear of rejection and most of the time it's dealt with their father. They weren't validated, they weren't seen by their father, because the masculine energy from the father determines how you show up in this world. So they never learned. So that's why they don't like to say no. This is why they will charm the shit out of you when they first meet you. They will give you everything and shower you with gifts and compliments and make you feel good and make you feel seen and make you feel, oh my gosh, they're the best, wow.
Speaker 1:So then here's what you do you start to please them so you can get their approval, and then, all of a sudden, they switch it on you. What you do, you start to please them so you can get their approval, and then, all of a sudden, they switch it on you. Now, all of a sudden, they make you feel less than they, make you feel unseen. Or they promise you with opportunities I'll do this for you and I'll do this, and all those opportunities are empty. They don't do shit for you, they don't do nothing. They just tell you this, just so you stay around, just so you keep giving attention, just so you keep giving energy just so they can feel validated and they can still keep drinking from your energy supply. I'm telling you from firsthand experience and here's what's going to end up happening. And here's what's going to end up happening when you stop people pleasing so much and you start person pleasing, you can start to see how much people pleasing you were actually doing in your life and you're going to start to see the dynamic of your life is going to change.
Speaker 1:Things that you used to want you won't want them anymore because you realize the only only reason why you wanted them is because you wanted to be received in a certain way. That's people pleasing. You don't want that Range Rover anymore. You don't want that Ferrari. You don't want that big old house on the hill. You don't want it anymore Because you realize the reason why you wanted it was so everybody would see you. But the only reason why you want everybody to see you was so you could please them. Because through pleasing them and them seeing you, now you feel validated. But now you don't need to anymore. You start to validate yourself, you start to see yourself and now you won't be afraid as much. The fear may still come up because it's still in our nervous system, but this is where we can breathe into it, this is where we affirm ourself, this is where we start to reprogram our nervous system. Do you understand how this works? And then life becomes a lot more simple. You feel a lot less, you don't need to talk as much, you'll start to become a little bit more quiet Not that you're unhappy.
Speaker 1:You just don't feel the need to be seen and heard anymore, because you start to realize a lot of it. The driving force behind it was because you wanted to be seen and heard and I'm warning you, your relationships may start to fall off. That person who you were so madly in love with, who you've been with for a long time, you start to realize that it was pseudo love, it was transactional. You guys were really just vampires feeding off each other's acceptance because neither of you really learned how to heal enough so that you could supply your own energy and you were depending on each other. And one of you started to create its own source of acceptance and didn't need the other person. And you stop people pleasing and you say that other person say why are you being so cold? Why are you being so harsh? How come you don't want to hang out with me. It's not that I don't want to hang out with you. It's not that I've just realized how many times that I wanted to hang out with you was really so you could validate and see me. But now I don't need that anymore, so I'll hang out with you when I want to hang out with you.
Speaker 1:Do you see how this works? So my warning to you is that things are going to change. This is why you usually see those who get to a certain level of awareness of consciousness and spiritual understanding we can use monks as an example right, they're usually by themselves. Why? Because once you become the source of everything that you were seeking, you won't need to seek it on the outside anymore. And it's not that you're lonely. You're not lonely and you're not alone. You're actually all one. You filled in that alone with another L. That L stood for love. You learn how to love yourself. You learn how to accept yourself. Do you see how this works? And then here's what's going to happen. All those narcissists that you've been attracting in your life, those people who've been feeding off of your energy, they're going to start to become shapeshifters, chameleons. They're going to get really creative with you. They're going to distance themselves with you to see if you come back. I'm not going to ever tell you what to do, but the moment that you go back, it just tells you that there's still more work that you need to do, because you're still attached to their source of energy as well. As much as they're feeding off of you, you're feeding off of them as well. Do you see how this works out? Do you see how this works? So become aware of the subtle ways that you people, please.
Speaker 1:You ain't got to justify nothing in your life. Hear me when I say this. I don't care what it is, you can go out and spend, do whatever. Do whatever. You ain't got to justify it. You don't have to. You don't have to. I know this sounds radical. It sounds radical. You don't have to justify yourself from a place of pleasing someone else. You don't, and this is where your freedom is.
Speaker 1:I ask my professional athletes that I work with all the time. I say what would it be like, what would your stats look like, if you didn't have to depend on somebody else accepting you, whether it's the coach, the GM, the president, your teammates If you were free, you didn't worry about what the media said about you. You didn't worry about what nobody else said about you. What would you look like, how good would you be? And all of them say the same thing oh, I'd be amazing. Okay, so you start to see that you pleasing others is what's constricting and contracting. It's keeping you from being all that you are.
Speaker 1:When I was in my ceremony, mother Aya showed me how much I people please and where it comes from. And it's subtle, it's super subtle, super subtle. I came home, carly was in the laundry room and I jumped out and I hid behind the wall and I scared her. She started laughing. She said why are you scaring me? Why are you doing this? And I asked myself why are you doing this right now? Why, why? Why'd you do that? Because you wanted attention. That's why. Why did you want attention? So you would be validated. That's people pleasing, buddy. Still just a little. And that seems little. It's no big deal, right, it's harmless. No, that little thing, that microcosm of it. It adds up over time.
Speaker 1:You do that 50 times in a month, and then over the course of a year, and then over the course of the day, and then here's what happens Five, six, seven months. We wonder why we're so overloaded, we're so bombarded, because our central nervous system has literally just been holding this and holding this and hold this. So when you show affection to your affectioner, ask yourself why am I doing this right now? Am I doing this from a place of hoping that they feel accepted and they feel validated, so that way, they will then validate me in return and now your relationships can start to become more authentic and more organic. And if they're more authentic and they're more organic, they become more authentic and more organic. And if they're more authentic and they're more organic, they're going to be more fulfilling and you will feel full. Do we see how this works?
Speaker 1:So in my ceremony, I'll leave you with this what Mother Aya told me. She said courage will be needed over confidence. She said courage will be needed over confidence. She said stop people pleasing. This is the same dynamic, the same energy of a master to a slave. You are nobody's slave and nobody is your master. You do not need to please somebody. You do not need to validate yourself through anybody else, including your children, including your wife, including your parents, including social media, including your community. You do not need somebody else to validate you, you need to do it. And then she said this in this Brooklyn, new York accent. She said to me she goes yo, stop playing small. Stop playing small. Every time you please others, you're playing small. Knock it off. Stop playing small. Stop seeking to please others before you please yourself. Stop it. Stop playing small. You didn't come here to play small. That's not why you're in this existence. This is the biggest integration. This is the biggest wound that we have to overcome as humanity is to stop people pleasing and here's the deal.
Speaker 1:I told you about slavery and talk about any type of genocide, any type of harm doing, any type of war. Do we not realize all it is is two sides that don't feel seen? Think about it For me to enslave somebody, that means I feel as though I can't do something without somebody, because if I could do it without somebody, I don't need them. You see how this works. And then here's what ends up happening we start to develop this unconscious, toxic, symbiotic relationship where I depend on you and you depend on me, and this is the slave owner, this is the slave, this is owning somebody. It's literally the energy behind it. So y'all, stop playing small. Stop playing small.
Speaker 1:Starting on June, starting June 1, I'm going to start. I'm going to release a program called Unlimited. It's an eight-week coaching program, group coaching, just like all my group coaching programs. It's me, they're live. Everything's recorded. You're going to get a workbook. It is me teaching you and coaching you and showing you how to become unlimited, how to stop playing small.
Speaker 1:Right now, I'm telling you the what and I'm telling you the why. I haven't taught you the how Over the course of eight weeks. I'm going to start telling you about it on June 1, right, we start on July 1. On July 1, eight weeks. We're going to go eight weeks. So by the time September 1 hits, you're going to be ready. You're going to go eight weeks.
Speaker 1:So by the time September 1 hits, you're going to be ready. You're going to be unlimited. You're going to learn how to get rid of the limitations. You will learn how to get rid of the people pleasing. I'm not one here to sit here and tell you oh well, you do this. No, we're going to get to the nitty gritty. I'm going to show you exactly how to do this so that, over the course of eight weeks, you will have learned how to integrate it and you will learn how to embody it so you can become unlimited, because that was your divine nature, was unlimitedness. And as always, until next time, you know, I wish you nothing but the best on the pathway to your results.